- Sign in a Laundromat:
- AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN
THE LIGHT GOES OUT
-
- Sign in a London department store:
- BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
-
- In an office:
- WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING
IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
-
- Outside a farm:
- HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
-
- In an office:
- AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE
DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
-
- On a church door:
- THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS
DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAUGHT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
-
- English sign in a German cafe:
- MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
-
- Outside a second-hand shop:
- WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT
BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
-
- Sign outside a new town hall which was to
be opened by the Prince of Wales:
- THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED
AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
-
- Outside a photographer's studio:
- OUT TO LUNCH IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
-
- Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
- SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
-
- Outside a disco:
- SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME
-
- Sign warning of quicksand:
- QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY
ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL
-
- Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire
parish:
- DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST
ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST
TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
-
- Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
- ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE
DISPOSED OF
-
- Sign on motorway garage:
- PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE
WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
-
- Notice in health food shop window:
- CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
-
- Spotted in a safari park:
- ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
-
- Notice in a field:
- THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE
BULL CHARGES
-
- Message on a leaflet:
- IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET
LESSONS
-
- Sign on a repair shop door:
- WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE
BELL DOESN'T WORK)
-
- Spotted in a toilet in a London office
block:
- TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
-
- Sign in a Japanese hotel:
- SPORTS JACKETS MAY BE WORN BUT NO TROUSERS
-
- Sign in Egyptian hotel:
- IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT,
"ROOM SERVICE!"
-
- Sign in a Public Toilet
- IN CASE OF NUCLEAR ATTACK, DUCK UNDER THIS URINAL.
IT'S NEVER BEEN HIT YET!
-
- Birthday Badge
- '1 YEAR OLD TODAY' (written round the edge were
the words 'not suitable for children under 36 months.)
-
- Notice outside a restaurant
- Don't stay outside and be bored - come inside and be fed
up !
-
Veterinarian's office sign:
- All
unattended children will be given a free kitten.
-
In parking lot outside vet's
office in Silverton:
- Parking
for customers only, others will be neutered.
-
Notice In a veterinarian's
waiting room
- Be back in 5
minutes. Sit! Stay!
-
Plumber:
"We
repair what your husband fixed."
-
At a tire shop in Milwaukee
"Invite
us to your next blowout."
-
Door of a plastic
surgeon's office:
"Hello,
can we help pick your nose?"
-
In a non-smoking
area:
"If
we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take
appropriate action."
-
At a towing company:
"We
don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
-
On an electrician's truck:
"Let
us remove your shorts."
-
On Maternity room door:
"Push,
Push, Push."
-
On a taxidermist's window:
"We
really know our stuff."
-
In a podiatrist's
office:
"Time
wounds all heels."
-
On a fence:
"Salesmen
welcome, dog food is expensive."
-
Outside a muffler shop:
"No
appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming."
-
Inside a bowling alley:
"Please
be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
-
At an optometrist's
office:
"If
you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
place."
-
In the front yard of a
funeral home:
"Drive
carefully, we'll wait."
-
In a counselor's office:
- Growing
old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."
-
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